Quick Hits

Days before Thanksgiving, our neighbor across the street started putting up Christmas decorations.

As I sipped from my turkey-shaped coffee mug while wearing my Thanksgiving-themed pajamas, I looked out my window and wondered: “Why are people in such a rush?”

Despite being hours away from green-bean casseroles, pumpkin pies, and quality time with loved ones, many of us spent the week of Thanksgiving daydreaming about Black Friday shopping and pondering whether or not Luke Skywalker will turn out to be evil in the new Star Wars movie.

We’re always looking ahead to what’s next.

Today it isn’t good enough. Today is lame. Today is the redheaded stepchild of the space-time continuum.

No, we want to skip today. We want tomorrow. Tomorrow is cool. Tomorrow is the bee’s knees. Tomorrow is an absolute good filled with anticipation, promise, and hope.

The problem with such a mindset is we’re not promised tomorrow.

Those plans you’re making? That next thing you can’t wait to arrive? They may never come. Today could be it.

Today might not seem like much. It might not have arrived with much fanfare. And it might not be able to hold a candle to the unknown magic tomorrow holds.

But it’s here.

Today’s available, right now, for you to grab and make the most of it.

What are you going to do with it?

Creative Commons Image via Incase.

Some advice sticks with you.

When I got into blogging, I came across one particular pearl of wisdom that really resonated with me. Sadly, I don’t remember the exact words or the name of the individual who offered it, but here’s the gist of their advice:

If someone asks you to contribute a quote, say yes. If someone asks to interview you, let them. Never turn down the opportunity to be perceived as an “expert” in your field. The more people see you in roundups and interviews, the more they’re going to perceive you as an expert with influence.

It’s sound advice.

And as I glanced around at the popular bloggers and entrepreneurs I admired, it appeared an overwhelming majority of them followed it.

I’ve witnessed first hand how gracious Jon Morrow, Neil Patel, John Lee Dumas, Crystal Paine, James Chartrand, Syed Balkhi, Brian Gardner, Jeff Goins, and Pamela Wilson are with their time.

So, I followed suit.

If someone asked me to provide a quote, I happily obliged. If someone requested an interview, I responded with a “what time works for you?” If someone invited me to write a guest post for them, I quickly added them to my calendar.

It didn’t matter if the requester was a friend or a stranger. It didn’t matter if they were popular or unknown. It didn’t matter if English was their first language or their third.

If they asked, I said yes.

The Problem

In the movie Office Space, Milton realized there wasn’t enough cake for everyone to get a piece. As he sadly mumbled, “the ratio of people to cake is too big.”

Our time, though not nearly as delicious, is a lot like cake.

We only have so much of it – there’s a finite supply. Once it’s gone, it’s gone. Oh, sure, we can try to stretch it out. We can offer a few crumbs without icing and hope no one complains. We can even give away the piece we were saving for ourselves.

But, eventually, we’re going to run out.

What I failed to realize for a long time is the ratio of people to cake – “cake” being you and me – can get too big. As time passes and our profiles increase, it gets increasingly difficult to satisfy everyone.

It’s easy to respond to every request when you receive one or two a week. As time goes by and you gain in popularity, you start to receive one or two a day. Then three a day. Then four. Then five.

Eventually, the ratio of people to cake becomes too big. How do you meet every request? How do you make everyone happy?

The sad truth? You can’t.

It’s a conundrum all bloggers striving to be successful will have to face at some point…

Sometimes, you have to say no.

Sometimes, you have to take rain checks. Sometimes, you have to politely decline. Sometimes, you have to say “I can’t right now, but maybe next week.”

Why? Because you can only stretch the cake so far.

One of the biggest challenges we bloggers face is learning to manage our time. We have our blogs, families, day jobs, and more to juggle each and every day.

Some days we’re able to do it all. Most days we can’t.

They key is learning to accept that this is okay. It doesn’t mean you’re a jerk. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

It just means you’ve run out of cake.

Creative Commons Image via thematthewknot (adapted).

By my unscientific calculations, we live approximately 99% of our lives blissfully oblivious.

Spinach in our teeth? We had no clue. Mispronouncing “moot” and “hyperbole” all our lives? That’s a new one on us. Mistakenly believing actors Dylan McDermott and Dermot Mulroney were the same person? Hey, if you say so.

Usually, these things of which we’re unaware are insignificant. No one has died from walking around with spinach in their teeth all day. (Unless it’s from embarrassment, am I right?)

But sometimes, every so often, these things are huge.

I’ve probably suffered from sleep apnea most of my life. Each night, I would stop breathing. Fifteen seconds here. Thirty seconds there. Sometimes I’d stop breathing for 45 whole seconds. Then my body would jerk itself awake so I could take a breath of air.

I didn’t know any of this was happening, of course. I didn’t have the faintest idea.

All I knew was some mornings I would wake up feeling groggy. “That’s why God invented coffee,” I would tell myself. I thought this feeling was normal – I didn’t realize I almost died during the night.

Then I married my lovely wife. After a lifetime of sleeping alone, there was now someone sleeping next to me.

Gone were the days of sleeping sideways and taking up the entire bed. Gone were the days of changing the pillowcases and sheets once in a blue moon. And gone were the days where no one was around to notice my lil’ habit of not breathing when I sleep.

Once I knew what was happening, I could address it. I could take action. I could get one of those CPAP machines and breathe each night.

(Plus, now I sound like Darth Vader when I sleep. So I have that going for me, which is nice.)

Hopefully, you’ll never find yourself in the position where giving someone a heads up is a life-or-death situation. Still…

You never know how big an impact your seemingly-trivial heads up will have on the life of the person receiving it.

The guy or gal you give a heads up about spinach in their teeth could be on their way to a big job interview or first date with their soulmate. The helpful advice you give to an inexperienced blogger could be the thing that points them on a path of success and world domination. The person you hear snoring might actually have a serious problem.

There’s a fine line between intruding and giving someone a friendly heads up, but don’t be afraid to toe it from time to time.

If you see a way you can help someone, help them. If you see a genuine mistake they’re unknowingly making, tell them. Some will be angry with you. Few will bother to say “thanks.” But, more times than not, your heads up will make a positive impact.

Heck, it might even save a life.

Creative Commons Image via db_in_uk.

We all have dreams.

My dream is to work from home so I can spend more time with my wife. It’s not a sexy dream, but it’s mine. And I’m willing to climb the highest mountain and swim the deepest ocean in order to obtain it.

What about you? What’s your dream?

Is it financial independence? Is it being your own boss? Is it changing the world?

Better question…

Are you willing to do whatever it takes to make your dream a reality?

“Maybe” isn’t a suitable answer. Neither is “I guess.” If you want your dream to stop being the thing you wish you could do and start being the thing you do, you have to commit.

You have to be willing to work harder than everyone else. You have to be willing to look a little foolish. You have to be willing to fail.

If you’re willing to do what no one else will do, you can live the life everyone else wishes they could live.

And if you’re not willing?

Years from now, you’ll look back at your life and be amazed at how close you were to living your dream. It seemed so far out of reach at the time, but with the benefit of hindsight you’ll see how close you really were to obtaining it.

“If only I had reached out,” you’ll say. “If only I had stood on the tips of my toes and stretched a little more. I was so close.”

Don’t let “if only” haunt you when you’re old and gray. Don’t let “what might have been” be your last thoughts on this planet.

What step can you take today, big or small, that will move you closer to your dream?

Is it reaching out to your favorite influential blogger? Signing up for an online course or reading a great book? Ditching soda and drinking more water?

Whatever step it is… The only person stopping you from taking it is you.

Are you tired of being your own stumbling block?

It’s time to get to work.

“I don’t have enough time.”

Make the time. Take shorter lunch breaks. Wake up thirty minutes early. Be a better manager of the time you do have.

“I’m tired.”

Who isn’t? Suck it up.

“I don’t know how.”

Then go learn! The world is filled with teachers. Heck, I can’t throw a rock out my window without hitting someone who claims to be an expert at something. Throw enough rocks and you’re bound to hit the right person.

“I can’t.”

Yes you can.

“It’s too hard.”

Most things worth having in this world are hard to obtain. The level of difficulty to achieve something shouldn’t discourage you – it should reassure you of its worth.

“I might fail.”

You probably will. A lot. As Seth Godin says, you have to fail until you succeed.

“I don’t know where to begin.”

Begin here. Begin today.

“I’m not ready.”

Then go get ready.

When we stop making excuses for why we can’t do something, our seemingly unobtainable dreams become a little more obtainable. Mountains don’t seem quite as high. Oceans don’t seem quite as deep.

It’s time we stop telling ourselves all the reasons we can’t achieve our goals. It’s time we tell our inner voices of doubt to kindly shut up.

It’s time to get to work.

Creative Commons Image via Wheeler Cowperthwaite.

I interviewed two gentlemen for a job last week.

One of them wore a suit and tie. The other wore bluejeans.

If you knew nothing else about these two candidates, which one would you expect me to hire?

The candidate who tried to make a good first impression, or the one who didn’t give it a second thought?

The candidate who wore an outfit reserved for special occasions, or the one who wore the same thing he’d wear if he was going to eat BBQ ribs?

The candidate who looked the part of a professional, or the one who looked like an extra in a Levi’s commercial?

“You never get a second chance to make a first impression” is one of those expressions that has been repeated so many times it’s lost all meaning, but it’s true.

First impressions are hard to shake.

If you show up to a first date with spinach in your teeth, you’ll never outlive that first impression. Even if you end up happily married to this individual, it’s going to be one of those oft-repeated stories told time and time again at dinner parties and family gatherings.

If you’re lucky, your loving spouse will refrain from telling the story at your funeral. Of course, you’ll still have to endure God welcoming you to Heaven with an “is there any spinach in My teeth?” joke. The Big Man Upstairs has a good sense of humor, after all.

That’s the power of first impressions – they follow you everywhere.

This power can be a good or bad thing, of course. If you have a habit of showing up to job interviews in bluejeans or dates with spinach in your teeth, it’s a bad thing.

But if you make it a habit of leaving positive first impressions, it’s a game changer.

What kind of emails would you send if you knew they would forever form people’s opinions of you? What kind of comments would you leave on blog posts? What kind of tweets would you send?

Would you send short and impersonal responses to reader emails? Would you write unhelpful comments that suck? Would you curse like a sailor on Twitter?

Next time you’re ready to hit the SEND button, take a good, hard look at what you’re doing. Ask yourself, “Is this the indelible first impression I want to make?”

There are no do-overs. There are no Mulligans. You get only one shot at this. One.

Be sure to make the most of it.

Creative Commons Image via Jonathan Mueller.

Thinking of names for our future children is one of my and my wife’s favorite pastimes. It’s right up there with the “what I would do if we won the lottery even though we don’t play the lottery because it’s a tax on people who are bad at math” game.

“What do you think of Belle?” one of us will ask.

“Sounds too similar to the insipid Twilight character,” the other will respond. “How about Nick?”

“No way… I went to school with a kid named Dominic and I saw him eat a bug one time.”

And so on and so on.

One condition I have with any name we consider – a condition my wife thinks I’m joking about even though I’m quite serious – is the name must be unclaimed.

What does that mean?

It means the domain name and Twitter handle are available.

So, let’s say my wife falls in love with the name “LaQuisha.” If the domain laquishaduncan.com or the Twitter handle @laquishaduncan are unavailable, the name goes into the reject pile.

Crazy, you say? Yeah, crazy like a fox.

Remember when you were younger how aggravating and confusing it was to have a neighbor, cousin, or classmate with the same name as you?

“How can that kid be named Kevin? I’m Kevin!”

Teachers would call your name, but they didn’t mean you. They meant the impostor – the kid with the stupid head and stupid face who stole your identity.

In today’s world where virtually everyone is online, it’s even worse. There are thousands and thousands of people who share your name. Heck, there are quite a few who share your full name.

How can you stand out? Well, for starters, you call dibs on your name.

Register that domain. Reserve that Twitter handle (and Instagram, Pinterest, Facebook, etc.). Claim your name before one of the impostors beats you to it.

“But what if my name is already taken by one of those stupid impostors?” you ask.

Do you use your middle name or middle initial? Those can separate you from the pack, so use them. I’ve learned to embrace my middle initial (“J”) for this very reason.

If you’re still having trouble, try using dashes or – in Twitter’s case – underscores. Use a nickname, if applicable.

Your name is your online brand. It’s your identity. It’s your calling card. Once you’ve settled on one, snatch it up everywhere you can. Try one of the many name checker tools available to make the process easier.

Of course, if you happen to have the last name “Duncan,” you probably shouldn’t bother. I’ve already registered every conceivable name on behalf my children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren.

Sorry about that.

Creative Commons Image via Natalie Maynor.

People love free.

Grocery stores will offer free samples of something that looks like meat covered in sauce of undetermined origin and people will ask for seconds.

Dog owners will cover their neighborhoods in “Free Puppy” signs and their phones will ring all day long.

Heck, strangers will hold up signs that read “Free Hugs” and people will walk up and wrap their arms around them.

There’s a catch, though. People love free, but only if they’re the ones to initiate.

If you walked up to someone on the street while holding a container of questionable-looking food and said “free samples”, only crazy (or very hungry) people will take you up on your offer.

If you rang the doorbells of your neighbors and handed them a puppy, a majority would tell you “thanks but no thanks.”

And if you went around hugging people while muttering “don’t worry – this hug is free”, well… you’ll end up in prison.

No matter how amazing or valuable your free offer may be, people will turn their nose up at it if it’s forced upon them.

Violinist Joshua Bell is able to pack theaters at a whopping $100 per ticket, but when he played incognito at a Washington subway a few years ago few people bothered to even stop and listen.

U2 has been one of the world’s most famous bands for three decades, but people were outraged when they partnered with Apple and pushed their latest album – for free – to millions of iTunes libraries.

“How dare you put this album on my iPhone without my consent!” people shouted at Siri, who responded with cruel indifference.

Things got so bad the band chose?to publicly apologize… for giving away their music… for free.

The Lesson for Bloggers

It’s very tempting to go overboard promoting our work.

We’ll post links to our posts in comments. We’ll bombard our friends, family, co-workers, and acquaintances with requests to share our latest masterpiece. Heck, some of us will go as far as manually adding anyone who’s ever emailed us to our mailing lists.

Want some free advice that might be hard to hear?

Most of those individuals don’t care.

They don’t want our links cluttering the comments sections of the blogs they read. They don’t want to hear about our latest and greatest whatever on Facebook. They certainly don’t want us emailing them without their consent.

It’s a tricky balance, but the art of promoting without being pushy is something all bloggers need to learn if they want to be successful.

Yes, write that amazing eBook, email series, or in-depth article. Yes, offer it to people for free – it’s a great way to promote your blog or business.

But don’t beat people over the head with it. Don’t push it onto people who literally could not care less about you or what you’re offering. Don’t give it to someone who didn’t ask for it.

If you ring doorbells with outstretched arms or puppies in hand, prepare for a lot of slammed doors in your face.

And mace. You’ll probably be maced a few times, too.

Creative Commons Image via Ben Husmann.